How Horses can heal

‘All I pay my psychiatrist is the cost of feed and hay, and he’ll listen to me all day’

Horses are intensely emotional, intuitive, intelligent beings. They are a true reflection of our deepest souls. Over time I have discovered their extraordinary ability to awaken intuition in humans, and their ability to mirror the authentic feelings people try to hide. This makes horses powerful therapeutic teachers.

Students of mine have learned to tap into their primal animal instincts and the complex body language that we have suppressed for generations. Working with a horse effectively – you must learn to be very honest with yourself and to grow personally. You must be willing to make mistakes and to learn to be very controlled emotionally.

When a relationship is created with a 1000- 1500 pound animal it is emotionally and psychologically beneficial because this big beautiful animal has does not judge or have expectations of his or her companion. You will never understand this unless you are around a horse and develop a bond. It is amazing at how instinctively they know when something is not right, or when you are feeling stressed, tired, sad, excited even scared. But it is this very ability that allows them to work together in a herd and protect each other from danger and search for food and shelter.

The horse /human relationship has affected lives in a way many other forms of therapy have not. Horses are all the things a truly evolved person should be. They are very forgiving, trusting and honest. They are not judgmental and are always willing to learn if the right teacher comes along, they do not hold a grudge nor act vindictively. They are generally are very open minded and don’t make fun of you when you change your hair color or your clothing style. Horses seek companionship – they are herd animals and want to be loved and give love- they are part of a complex social structure.

Consider the therapeutic riding programs across the country, where horses have made more progress with children with various mental and physical disabilities than the doctors that care for them. The most superhuman thing about a horse is the contrast between their enormous strength and their inherent kindness and willingness to cooperate. Humans abuse their powers while horses use theirs for their own good or the good of their herd members. I would rather be a horse.

The Horse is Your Mirror:

Even when you have the calmest voice you could be nervous, scared or even angry deep down. You are only fooling yourself and maybe your peers, but your horse can read you. Humans are very good at suppressing their emotions and keeping thoughts and feelings deep inside.

But no matter how deep you think you have hidden these emotions or fears the horse can sense them. This explains a lot about why they act the way they do around us. Becoming a good horseman, trainer or even partner to your companion horse means that you have to look within yourself. You will need to be determined to improve your communication skills and to show your honest feelings.

You will need to learn to be very clear about what you want from the horse. You will find that if your not then the horse will fill in for you and may not give you the answer or response you were looking for. Often the horse does do what you really ask, but you asked one thing physically and mentally thought something else. For example you lack confidence in loading your horse in a trailer, riding at a canter, jumping a jump or riding on a trail. You expect the horse to do what you ask but deep inside you don’t want to do it or you’re scared. So the horse becomes the leader and protects you from what you are fearful or doubtful of.

The best way to see how your emotions and body language is affecting your horse is to work with them on the ground. Here you will be able to see if you can ask them to go over, around and through obstacles. When you ask them do you see a confident horse or a fearful and sceptical horse? Does your horse do what you ask the minute you ask? Do they stop doing it when you want? Can you turn them on as fast as you turn them off? Is their head elevated with fear or low with soft trusting eyes?

When you are around this very perceptive animal you will see them become nervous and distracted when you are stressed from home, work relationships etc. But in order to train a horse you need to be their fearless leader. For example if you watch a mare with a foal you will see a confident leader who nurtures and disciplines her foal. You will also see a foal who loves and respects its mother and will follow her anywhere. E.g. Will your horse follow you through a river or creek? To be that kind of leader for your horse you need to be able to clear your mind and heart of all your trouble and worry. You need to become calm and focused on the present. The horse will force you to stay in the present and be peaceful and quiet – what more therapy could you ask for?

I want you to answer the following questions; will your horse follow you anywhere? Will your horse do anything you ask of them? Does your horse trust you? Do they love you for more than the food you provide them? Would they choose to stand beside you or leave if you did not have a lead line? Remember the strongest lead line is in the horse’s mind.

If the answer is ‘no’ to any of these questions you may need to work on yourself and your ability to communicate.
Through teaching many women natural horsemanship I have discovered that my job as an instructor has become more like that of a psychologist. What I discovered is that the relationship between these students and their horses mirrored that of the people in their personal lives.

Case Study: Student ‘Sara’

One of my students with a 14 yr old Arabian and a 2yr old unruly 16hh Thoroughbred came to me for help with her 2yr old. Through the course of a few months and several lessons I noticed that despite her incredible love for her older horse whom she had raised from birth – the horse totally lacked respect for her. There were no “problems” that she wanted me to teach her about when it came to this horse, just the Thoroughbred. However - neither one of her horses looked to her for leadership nor did they respect her space or her wishes.

I gently pointed out using the Thoroughbred how she had to learn to define her boundaries – she had to show him what was acceptable and what was not. She needed to make sure that he never went into her space and should always respect her wishes. I taught her how to read the body language and to not yell or aggravate the horse but to use phases of firmness each and every time she corrected the horse.

She did not mind learning how to be firmer and clearer about her communication skills with her Thoroughbred…but her beloved old gelding? That was different. He might not love her as much if she was strict and demanded respect, and they have an understanding…so she told me. He does not like to do this or that…so I don’t make him anymore…she did not want to stand up for herself because she thought that her relationship with her horses would be damaged or lost.

‘Sara’ soon learned that her relationship with her Thoroughbred was just like that of her teenage sons as well her older horse mirrored her husband’s relationship with her. This led to a huge growth period in my student’s personal life. She had been seeking counselling but it had not helped her personal life. But her lessons in natural horsemanship changed her life. She learned that she was not clear in her communication skills, she did not define her space – she let her family walk all over her. She discovered that she was afraid that if she stood up for her wishes that her family would think that she did not love them. ‘Sara’ was the type of person who would work to the point of exhaustion in her full time job, then cook and clean for her family, drive both boys to their sports and look after her two horses each and everyday. She was giving all of herself to the relationships in her life and asking nothing in return.

Through her lessons with her horses she learned that she had done the same. She thought they were her best friends, but in reality she compromised a lot of what she wanted to do because she feared the horses would love her less. Like the horses, her husband and her sons walked all over her. She did not define her space and she did not show emotion. In order to be a good horseman you need to learn to define your boundaries, be confident and learn to show your emotions and read the emotions of the horses you work with.

See the parallels? With a horse you need to define leadership, show them you are confident, ask for a response or action and receive it. Not in an aggressive manner but in a polite yet assertive manner. You need to make sure you have phases to your firmness and never waiver on this. You ask, tell them it should be done or else, promise that there will be consequences and then deliver on your promise. You show the horse there is a consequence for every action they choose. You are very clear with your requests and body language; you do not send mixed signals as the horse can read the slightest change in your attitude. Horses are much more sensitive than our human companions.

From the horse you will learn to be very honest with yourself, you cannot be angry inside and polite on the outside. You will learn to control your emotions and become clearer about your wishes. You will learn to define your boundaries as to what you think is acceptable and what is not. You will learn to protect your space. You will be clear about what you ask. This will help you in all of your personal human relationships as well. It may seem as though I am repeating myself over and over. Well I am, but sometimes the simplest of concepts are the hardest to get across!

My student ‘Sara’ does not need her therapist anymore. She found she learned far more from her equine companions. She no longer suffers from depression because she has taken her life back. Finally her husband is helping with all of the sports and household activities. Her sons do not lash out at her and have learned that when mom wants something done – it has to be done. Nothing is ever perfect because humans and horses are always challenging the hierarchy. However because she is polite and firm, and has learned to communicate clearly Sara is leading a much happier life and her family loves her even more than before as do her horses. She no longer makes excuses for how her horses act.

The journey to becoming a good horseman means that a lot of things need to change or grow within ourselves. My students have learned that they have needed to become more self confident and believe in themselves. Some students have learned so much about being assertive that it has affected all aspects of their lives. Another huge epiphany for most people has been the impact of their hidden emotions on the relationship they have with their horses. You cannot communicate clearly with anyone let alone a horse if you have high levels of stress and worries. You must learn to relax and think clearly, you must remain calm even when things are not going well. The horse is looking for a confident and calm leader.

The first lesson you must learn is to look at yourself first. You need to learn to look at things from the horses’ perspective and see it from their point of view. Most people don’t think anything is wrong with them if their horse drags them off while leading, wont stand still to be groom or saddled, or won’t go into a trailer. People label these horses as kickers, pullers, buckers, bolters etc. However if the horse does exhibit that behavior that when your not around, perhaps it is time you take some responsibility. This is a very difficult lesson to accept.

Dealing with the new found responsibility of communicating effectively and controlling your emotions can be difficult. But the answer is to learn to think like a horse, understand horse psychology, learn how horses communicate, use your body language effectively, and to understand how horses are motivated by comfort not praise.

Once you become less strict and critical of your horse’s performance, it will become less tense and more positive. This is also directly parallel to your business relationships, raising children and all other personal human relationships. The horse will teach you that if you are not part of the solution you are part of the problem.
In order to become part of the solution, you have to understand why your horse is acting in an undesirable way. Horses are incredibly sensitive animals. Their first defence mechanism is to run away. The second is to stand and fight. If you are fearful, frustrated or confused you will produce the same flight or fight response in the horse. You need to be firm but fair. You need to communicate effectively.

Horses will teach you to be emotionally and physically calm no matter what. But you also need to be able to correct them if they are being disrespectful, without the horse thinking you are mean or angry. It is an art becoming a horseman. But when you do…you will be a very good all around person, in your personal life as well as what ever career you choose. If you ever want to know how well you are doing – look at how your horse is acting around you. That is your mirror.

The Journey to Becoming a Good Horsewoman

The journey to becoming a good horseman comes with the task of change and growth within us. We won’t communicate clearly with anyone, let alone a horse, with high levels of stress and worry. When adversity challenges us, we must learn to relax and think clearly. The horse always looks for a calm, confident leader.

The first lesson we must learn is to look at ourselves first. Look at things from the horses’ perspective and see it from their point of view. We need to assume the responsibility if our horse kicks, bucks, bolts, pulls or drags us around while leading, and not label the horse. This lesson is often the most difficult to accept, especially if the horse does not exhibit the same behavior when other people handle them.

Although learning to communicate effectively and controlling emotions has challenges, the answer lies in the horses’ language – learning to communicate to a horse like a horse. That language includes:
Understanding horse psychology
Learning the intimate world of horse communication
Studying your body language and how to use it effectively for communicating
Understanding how horses are motivated by comfort over praise

Becoming less critical and strict of our horses’ performance creates a positive environment for both parties to work in. This will parallel personal and other relationships, as well as raising children. The horse teaches us all, that if we are not part of the solution, we are part of the problem.

In becoming part of the solution, we need to understand why the horse acts in undesirable ways. Horses are incredibly sensitive animals. Their first defense mechanism is to run. Their second is to stand and fight. When we are fearful, frustrated or confused we produce the flight or fight response in the horse. Communicating effectively means being firm and fair.

Horses teach us to be emotionally and physically calm regardless of the situation. They accept us correcting them when they show disrespect as long as we do it without anger. Becoming a horseman is an art. Once learned, it permeates your personal life and all other choices you make.

If you want to know how well you are doing, just look at how your horse is acting around you. That is your mirror.

What is Natural Horsemanship Training?

NATURAL HORSEMANSHIP. – Is learning to communicate to a horse like a horse.

There are a number of renowned trainers who practice the art of Natural Horsemanship; John Lyons, Pat Parelli, Buck Brannaman, Tom Dorrance, Bill Dorrance, Ray Hunt, Linda Tellington-Jones, Monty Roberts and others. Each one of these trainers have their own style and training methods. However, all use the same philosophies.

It is training and riding horses in a manner which works WITH the horse's behaviour, instincts and personality. A natural horseman has to learn to think like a horse in order to be able to predict reactions. You need to understand that the horse usually reacts out of instinct and self preservation so punishment is out of the question. Their motivation comes out of a desire for comfort and the avoidance of discomfort, so we have to learn how to take away and give back comfort at the right times if we want the horse to respond.

‘Make the wrong thing difficult and the right thing easy’ Ray Hunt

Horses are prey animals that live in a herd with a well defined hierarchy. The best thing a horseman can do is study how horses interact in the herd, especially in the wild. From studying horse psychology we can understand how and why a horse reacts the way they do. We need to understand how a dominate horse disciplines a herd member for crowding their space or taking over the feed bucket for example. When you observe this behavior you will see that they always discipline in phases, there is always 4 phases; ask – tell – promise – deliver. A horse will use a series of escalating body languages to “tell” the other horse to MOVE.

For example: put a flake of hay in a herd of horses. You will see the alpha horse lay the ears back (phase 1), lower the head and shake (phase 2), open the mouth and show teeth(phase 3) then bite the horse in its way (phase 4). This is a generalized sequence of events – but it shows how there are phases to firmness. A horse does not methodically think of revenge like a human (predator) they think and react in the moment.

If we want our horses to start acting more like partners instead of prey animals then we have to turn to developing our communication skills. Horses can read people like a book. Become conscious of your body language, expression and intention so you can teach your horse to read your actions and intentions and to know whether or not he should be worried. A horse needs a leader - calm, controlled, focused. It is up to us to learn how to become this kind of leader for our horse and even more importantly, how to be his teacher. Then we can teach our horse to become our partner.

First develop a leadership role, prove that you are the alpha horse and then show the horse how much you love them before you tell them how much you know. You work on speaking to them the way they speak to each other – through body language.

Leadership • Love • Language

Contact information: (778) 881-6600

adiva@adivamurphy.com